dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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