We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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