I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
