one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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