i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize