I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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