moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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