He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
