So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize