why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
