The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize