Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
