I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
