Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
