party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
