i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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