saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
