i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
