Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
