Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
