my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need a beard to bite.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
