theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have already put on my inside pants.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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