Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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