We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
