I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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