It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
