Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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