I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
