There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
