xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
