fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
