I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
