oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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