too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
