I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
