You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Randomize
