All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
