I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize