no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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