if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize