Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
