Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
