let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have fence marks all over my body
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
