very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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