I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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