So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
