definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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