if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
zippers are such a cool invention
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
