I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
