My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
