Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize