Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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