Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
did i just pee glitter
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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