I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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