11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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