The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
