My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
