SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
