i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
