I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
