I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How does one acquire holy water?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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