Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
