I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize