her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
