Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize