Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
