I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
