It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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