You made me cry and you don't even care
You're completely useless in the revolution.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
