ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
