Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
