She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
