They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
