Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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