'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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