i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
