oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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